How do you hate someone?

I don't mean “Why do you hate” or “How could you hate this person?”. I mean exactly what is written. How do you hate another human being?

The reason I ask is, because I don't think I've ever been capable of it. Or, if I have, it's not an emotion I recognized.

Of course I use the word 'hate' quite casually when I say things like “Oh I hate when a package is delayed” or “I hate this change they made to my favorite video game”. These are things. Annoyances really. I say I hate these things, but is that what I really feel? It doesn't really make me angry, or make me want to rage at it or anything like that. They're just annoyances and I use the word 'hate' mostly out of habit, I think, because many people use it in the same fashion.

But people. Hating a person. What does that emotion feel like? What would someone have to do to me or to someone I love to make me hate them? Usually when conflict arises, I try my best not to engage. I try to withdraw or escape. I'm openly trans, but I've never run into someone who openly attacked me on the street for being so. I imagine, though, if someone did, I'd run away, but I wouldn't hate them, even if they hate me. I've been attacked online occasionally, but it's been in text. While I know, academically, that the text I read was written by an actual person (although, can we really be sure any more?), it still doesn't seem real to me. If someone verbally attacked me, I'd feel sad and upset, but would I hate them? I don't think so.

I guess I don't even know what the emotion is supposed to feel like. I've tried to picture hatred in my head sometimes, considering what it might feel like. I compare it often to anger or rage to a very high degree and even to a point that would make one wish bad things to happen to the target of their hatred. Do you think that's accurate? I honestly don't know, but it makes sense. But if that is so, I don't know that I've ever felt it.

So, you might be tempted to say “Does that mean you don't hate...the orange jello mold, or some other hate groups out there?” And see, that's where I get more uncomfortable because, again, I don't know. Now, to be abundantly clear: I definitely don't like any of them, they do things that upset me, that depress me, that make me sad, that hurt me, and I definitely will do what I can to keep them out of elected offices and such (by voting and other legal means, nobody get any weird ideas)...but, does that rise to the level of 'hating' them?

In the past, when I've agonized over this, I've had people tell me I'm too sheltered, which...I dunno, maybe that's true. Others have told me I'm lucky that I don't know how to hate a person. These days, though, there seems to be a lot of hatred bubbling up on both sides and from areas I hadn't expected to see it previously. I get afraid because if people like that, that agree with me on many principals see that I don't 'hate' someone that they hate, that they'll start hating me and say I'm against them or something. Sometimes I feel like hate is becoming necessary in this strange new world, and I'm going to get left behind because I don't know how.

Anyway, I think I've rambled long enough. If you're on Bluesky, feel free to drop me a comment with your own thoughts on the post I linked to this from.

Hmm. I just realized what my signature below says. Maybe I should focus on kindness instead...

Until next time...

“In a world that sometimes forgets, be the reminder that kindness still matters.” —Serinthia Kelberry